Sunday, April 29, 2012

“We’ll leave the light on” and other strange tales from a recent road trip.


Having just traveled 7,000 miles by plane and automobile, (no train travel but saw plenty of them), I’d like to share a few experiences and observations.

The Premise: My parents-in-law moved from Portland, OR to St. Augustine, FL. They have both retired from the working world in the Pacific Northwest and are ready to settle down and relax in the steamy Southeast, (at least they’re close to the beach). A moving company was hired to pack and transport all but two of their prized possessions: Art and Ray, two beautiful rescue greyhounds who, I was about to find out, couldn’t be further apart in personality. Rather than impose the trauma of flying upon the dogs, it was decided that Dad in-law (I’ll call him Phil for Father-In-Law) would drive the dogs between nearly the two furthest points in the contiguous 48 states. His co-pilot? Moi.

As an aside, let me add that Phil and Millie (as in Mother-In-Law) preceded this trip by taking a train from said Pacific Northwest to destination Retirement, a trek totaling 3,000 miles over 3.5 days. After arriving in Jacksonville on Wednesday morning, Phil boarded a plane that same afternoon to return to Portland so we could begin The Drive (with all due respect to John Elway, see NFL Playoffs, Denver-Cleveland circa 1987.) Millie, clearly no fool, stayed behind in Florida to enjoy a little R&R, and was joined a few days later by her daughter, my dearly beloved.

In preparation for the trip, I logged on to Alaska Air to check-in the night before my flight from Boston to Portland. I got an error message stating I was trying to check in too early. Since it was less than 24 hours before my flight I was suspicious but not too concerned. My newly Mastered Degree of Library Science wife however took on the challenge and put her research skills to work. Within about 4 minutes she had uncovered the problem, in his midst of moving overload, Phil had booked my flight for the wrong day. I was scheduled to arrive in Portland at about the same time he would have been ending Day 1 of the trip in Ogden, Utah.

She called Phil, who was traveling by less than high-speed rail through North Carolina, and was able to stay connected by phone long enough for him to understand the conflict. He in turn called Alaska Air and got my flight corrected. First disaster averted.

The following afternoon, I enjoyed an uneventful direct flight from Boston and arrived in Portland at 8:00pm local time. Wait, did I say “uneventful”? I guess that would be unfair to the 1st class cabin crew of Alaska Air. Yes, I flew 1st class for the first time in about 30 years – my how the other half lives. I didn’t think indulging in free alcohol would be a good idea the night before a 3,000 mile drive, but the 3-course meal of mixed greens salad, Prosciutto-wrapped Cod with linguine, followed by scrumptious blueberry cheesecake was definitely worth the extra bucks. Oh yeah, Phil set this up with his sky miles so technically it didn’t cost me anything. It will cost us going forward though as I have decided to never fly less than 1st class again. As I heard a young boy ask his mother when I was boarding, (1st class boards first folks), “Mommy, are we second class?” Yes kid, I’m afraid you are…



After arriving in the Portland airport, I searched out Phil’s gate and waited for his arrival from Jacksonville by way of Detroit. Sucks to not fly direct, doesn’t it? He looked a little disheveled but none the worse for wear (he had already traveled 6,000 miles) and we proceeded to exit the airport for the ride he had arranged with a friend who was also putting us up overnight at his house. Our ride appeared as scheduled, and on the way to his house we drove by Phil’s old residence to make sure it hadn’t burned to the ground since he and Millie left; the closing wasn’t until the next day so there was a little anxiety about the financial end of this arrangement coming together successfully. (The house was still there, no sign of any flames, new or old.) After a quick visit with the evening’s host, we called it a night, and although we didn’t know it at the time, got the best night’s sleep we were going to see for the next 3,000 miles.

Day 1: 7am First task – Pick up dogs at boarding kennel. I was told that Ray will probably bark at me as he doesn’t seem to like tall men. (This piece of information was shared with me at about 6:55am which was rather discomforting since it might make this very long trip even longer with a dog barking at me from the back of a Rav4 for 4 days.) The dogs were released from the kennel, were excited to see Phil, and jumped into the Rav4, unaware of the trip ahead of them, poor bastards. (No barking, Ray and I got along swimmingly. Clearly the “barking trigger” was not height.)

By 7:15 we were headed east out of Portland, a misty overcast morning which required having the windshield wipers on for about 30 minutes, THE ONLY 30 MINUTES OF LESS THAN SUNNY SKIES FOR THE ENTIRE TRIP! AMAZING!!

Our goal for Day 1 was to drive 732 miles to a Motel 6 in Ogden, Utah. No matter what else happened the rest of the trip, the scenery through Oregon, Idaho and Utah was worth all of it. If you have never seen the landscape out West, (from a plane doesn’t count) make it a goal in your life. Nothing puts the human existence into perspective better than being surrounded by the beauty of mountain vistas which have existed for millions of years and realizing you are simply a temporary guest on this magnificent planet. Nothing.


And after fawning over the scenery for a few hundred miles, nothing screeches you back to reality faster than stopping at McDonald’s in West Overshoe for a #1, that’s a Big Mac, fry and a drink, “Super-Size it please!”

The scenery was ever-changing but remained stunning right up until 6:30pm, when we arrived at our goal destination, Motel 6, Ogden Utah. Ironically, or coincidentally, sometimes I’m not sure which is appropriate, I took a cross-country vacation as a teenager with my parents and our evening quarters of choice: Motel 6. Funny how some things stay the same….FOR 35 YEARS. News flash: Motel 6 sucked then and still sucks now.

We checked-in and entered the room which was not horrible, but not great. We were booking for 2 adults and 2 dogs so the options were limited. Phil noticed there was no clock in the room and the only “hygiene amenities” were two small bars of soap, no shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, etc. He also noted there was no tissue in the room. (I solved the tissue mystery the next morning when I discovered Motel 6 had cleverly disguised it as bath towels.) The dogs settled in nicely into the room but Phil felt we needed to leave a light on for them. We didn’t have a night light and the first two options were 200 watt lights facing the beds. Kind of beginning to look like an “interrogation” situation developing (that’s why they use a bright light, so you don’t feel relaxed and fall asleep…so I’ve heard.) We compromised on a portable lamp in the room that we were able to rig under a counter by the sink and block some of its light with a dog blanket. Second disaster averted. Got a reasonable night’s sleep but the decline in restful nights was well under way.


Next Up: Day 2