Breaking News - God Resigns

In what seems like a long line of blows to humanity recently, it has been revealed that God is resigning from His position and will leave success or failure of the human race to the humans themselves. Below is a copy of His resignation letter.

Dear Humanity,

It is with a heavy heart and tremendous sorrow that I inform you of My decision to resign My position as the Almighty Creator. After many long discussions, Mary and I (it’s complicated, very complicated) have made the decision to pursue another opportunity in a galaxy far, far away from this Earth.

As you know, I’ve been in My current position for several billion years (that sect that claims the Earth has only been around for 6,000 years is loco, don't believe them). While I have enjoyed My time here, unfortunately, that old adage is true: The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. My intention of providing you, humanity, with the ultimate environment in which to flourish, has fallen short. The main problem as I see it, is this idea of “free will,” which has been hijacked from what I intended to be “unlimited creative potential” to simply a juvenile rationalization of acts of pure evil. While I gave you the wisdom and knowledge to confront the most difficult of challenges, your so-called leaders keep falling back to offering “thoughts and prayers” every time a significant painful incident occurs and tell the masses it is due to “free will,” so nothing can be done about it. Moving forward, please stop telling everyone to ask Me for support and reparations. You’ll need to get off your collective bottoms and work things out on the ground. The volume of pleas for help has become so prolific that I now realize perhaps I bit off more than I could chew. (Hey, this was my first rodeo too, I thought I had nailed it with the dinosaurs).

Speaking of knowledge and wisdom, My intent was to provide each of you with the ability to learn from your mistakes and help others to learn from theirs so future generations would not suffer from the same shortcomings and life on this planet could improve beyond the imagination of any one generation.  While you have moved significantly forward there is still too many of you pulling the rest down. If I may I would like to insert a comment about “race” here. Skin color was simply a result of exposure to the Sun, mostly based on geography. It was never My intent to create “different races” of humans. YOU ARE ALL THE SAME RACE, THE HUMAN RACE! There is no superiority based on color. You even let a short, scrawny man with straight black hair lead a bunch of you to believe that tall, blond, blue-eyed folks were super humans and the most amusing part, he was their leader! The entire world fought a war to suppress their movement. You can’t even make that up, although I guess I did, but I digress.

As many of you also know, as part of Our last strategic planning initiative, My Son (family businesses have their own challenges) floated the idea of a new approach (kids always think they know better), an existence based on love, support and empathy, not fear, retribution and punishment, to drive success for your species. He was convincing, using terms like “scalability” and “best practice” and We were impressed. We agreed to try this new strategy for about 2,000 years. Initially it looked as though His idea would catch on but sadly that did not last. My millenniums of observation have led Me to conclude that you have become a lost cause for My skill set. At countless moments of pure heavenly beauty, one of your kind came along and ruined a good thing. This has happened over and over throughout history. It is a serious flaw that I’ve been advised cannot be fixed in this release.

With that said, I can shed light on what’s next for Me. I am moving on with several members of My team to a new venture, We will create EARTH 2.0! We considered a name change but Our creative team came up with a working acronym We like: Eternally Aspiring for the Reawakening of True Humanity (I repeat, it’s a “working” acronym). It is important to note that although We expect you will create the technology necessary to reach this new planet, you should be aware Our own team perfected invisibility years ago. So while you may be able to reach Our location, you will not be able to find Us. We urge you to concentrate your efforts on bettering this Earth and leave Us alone. Hopefully, you will find some solace in the fact that many of your bloodlines will continue on EARTH 2.0 thanks to the many millions of DNA samples submitted to Ancestry.com which We will access as part of Our ramp up to this new world.

In closing, I wish you well in your future endeavors. My departure does not preclude you, humanity, from carrying on your existence. I have provided you with everything you need and will not be taking any of those qualities away from you, it is simply time for you to sink or swim on your own. You possess what is needed to not only survive but thrive. I have given you a wonderfully large planet with unlimited resources so go forth and reach your potential. My thoughts and prayers are with you. (See how empty that sounds now?)

Yours in Eternity,

God (in whichever version you so desire)

PS. To the atheists, no worries, many of you seem to “get it.” Keep treating fellow humans the way you yourself would like to be treated. Maybe more of My “devotees” will start practicing what’s been preached to them.  It’s not complicated people.